Thursday, August 03, 2006 at 00:36
3 years on.
firstly, today went bloodbank at outram to 'tour'.. den finished tat time donated blood.. end up only me n wg donate nia.. to be very truthful to all of u who read my blog, it does NOT hurt at all.. no sacarism or anyting, it seriously doesnt hurt coz got local anaesthetic.. so ppl once u've reached 16yrs of age u can print the consent form for ur parents to consent den proceed down to outram park HSA building to donate blood k? very fast one.. arnd 30mins to 45mins nia.. n if u'r 18 or above no need print the consent form.. bring ic or sch ezlink oso for identfication.. hahaha.. n plz weight above 45kg.. yes there's a weight limit.. too thin canot take.. n if they test n find ur blood haemoglobin too low oso canot.. bud juz go try lar.. its meant to save lives..
so 3yrs on now, no amount of regrets can make up for wad i did. no amount of donating blood can make me feel beta for wad i did. i made a mistake. a mistake tat i shldnt hav made. i'm sorry but there's nth i can do to reverse tat mistake. i m indeed very regretful tat i commited tat mistake. hai. its okie. its meant to be part of my life. tis date is meant to be remembered by myself as the date i did someting terribly wrong.
so juz now was reading my classmate's blog. went search the history to look for wad she posted abt wad happened last yr. for those who still do not noe, there was a major conflict last mid july n early aug.. so i guess i aint really wad i tried to let others c myself as.. my jokes n humourous comments maybe dun suit evryone ba. kinda sad. i guess some tings tat she mentioned abt me is true ba. bud at tat point of time all i tot was tat i was juz making it a joke so tat i will not seem so dead n serious to them, and yet i was assumed as arrogant.. to be true, its not the first time others hav said tat i'm arrogant.. i guess i m la.. i'm proud n arrogant.. i like to show off wad i achieved n etc.. yeah its not a desirable trait. bud i guess i lack the self-discipline to keep all tis in mind. if i were to be gg thru evryting tat i wana say in my mind b4 i eventually say, i'll really be limited to very little words n take a long time to speak.. n to those tat i dun really treat as fren, i dun bother to tok crap wif them. i juz keep quiet n really tink alot of the consequences b4 i open my mouth.. i really dun wish to be doing such tings wif ppl i consider to be okie wif my style n end up making others fed up.. of the 3 i tot she was the one i could probably click the best. the other i tot she was the one tat i could speak of all kinds of tings wif n wif trust. the last one was n is still one whom i cant accept coz of her behavior n attitude.. the one i trusted wasnt to be trusted.. the one i tot i clicked well wif is the one wif the most hatred for me.. seriously there's alot for me to reflect about now.. no doubt the posts could hav been when she was fuming mad n feeling all so angry about.. it might not be rationally correct or wad.. bud so did i tot tat they were at fault when i was really down n out at tat period.. maybe its juz the emotions.. really have to reflect.. really.. maybe i shld go copy paste down wad she typed n save in my com so tat i can from time to time remind myself of wad others had tot of me.. i m a person who is VERY concerned wif wad others tink of me. i care alot about comments and critisms... i find it hard to swallow my pride n keep my achievements to myself.. i m seriously one hell of a failure in terms of character.. i m a "da nan ren" (chavanistic?) n i m very inflexble wif the way tings work... i love to tell others tat i'm talented n so on.. u tink i really tink so?? hur.. i juz say coz i feel tat it makes me seem humourous, n yet i guess evryone tinks i'm more arrogant den humourous wif tat comment.. maybe shutting up i the best option for me.. no comments, no misunderstandings, no interpreting of my character, best of all no need to socialise n entertain ppl... really seriously wondering if my current handling of the situation is correct.. i condemns her, i cant stand her character n attitude anymore, and yet i hav to continue to work wif her for at least another 4 months.. i dunoe how long i can last bud i very much doubt it will last till the end.. bud i guess sooner or lata she will oso cant stand me for keep showing attitude problem n ignoring her n she'll go join her "new" clique.. go la go la.. make me look odd la.. kick out from one clique, join another clique.. den tis clique evry sem one member less.. less den now gg to left me alone here den the other 4 juz now appear as a "new" clique.. haha.. joke.. maybe i shld juz live in isolation sumday.. i guess the days in st gabs didnt help much to my social life eh.. primary sch alr so dun tok to others.. den sec sch oso nv tok much only to soccer frens.. den now poly after yr1 seriously gg to hav no1 to tok to anymore.. nadia i understand ur efforts bud its juz weird la.. for me to go join u all now or nxt sem.. 3 cliques in 2yrs.. if someone told me tat i'll seriously tink tat guy has a big problem.. hahaha.. defer sch?? dun tink its an option.. no financial backing.. hahaha.. wad else can i do? oh i can always isolate wad... it isnt tat difficult.. n i can be training for my jungle days if i do end up achieving my dream of gg off to some jungle to live there.. haha.. hai.. its a long struggle till the end of poly... i noe i aint in the worst situations, bud do noe tat i understand its not easy at all...
wif tat i shall end here.. pretty lot of comments of myself.. as for the ting i did 3yrs ago, do not ask me wad it is.. coz u all will not like to noe it.. juz ignore tat portion k.. hahaha.. goodbye people. goodbye frens.
